Finally

i just had my nose pierced today, i will try to upload photos soon so you could see it ;)

P.S.

ok it took me time to post the pix,hehe! my eyebrow piercing is close already, so my new piercing is my nose piercing :P

I Miss You So Much

*shakes my head* i cannot sleep, im so exhausted today because of work. 3:28 am now, i seriously need some sleep and rest. *breaks my pencil* LOL!

yeah the reason why i cannot sleep, i suddenly thought of my dad and felt how much i really miss him. It was year 2003 when I last saw him. Year 2005 when i visited his grave.

I wrote a poem for him, just finished. Its more of a message to him but i thought of not posting here instead. Somethings are not meant to be known by "everyone". I am planning to read it to him when i visit him soon.

Some people think, when a person shows his/her trueself. When he/she knows how to express his/her emotions, he is labeled as "emo". Being yourself doesnt show your weakness, instead having a tough spirit.

Me and my dad werent the best of friends nor me as daddy's girl. He is the one that hurt me the most and he is the one that I love the most. He raised me to be a fighter. If its not for him, I wouldnt be what I am now. He had played a big role in my life.

*covers my face with pillow* Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz....................

If I got all the answers

Do we really know what is happening on the other side?
If i do, then maybe my life would be perfect
No harm nor faults can be done
For I will always come prepared at all times

How will life be if there is no such thing as feelings?
If I do, then maybe my life would be easier than I thought
There would be no any sign of pretentions in my face
No any sign of pain in my eyes, life would be so sweet

Why do every heartbeat count?
Is it something like I read in books of sciences?
You would hear the sound of every beat of my love, of my pain
I am human, I am alive

You would rather ask, why did I indite this for?
Fear to be wounded by my own words
Will my silence provoke you in any way?
The day will come what you stored shall turn into vacousness

So many questions but got no any answer

Hush...

composed by: dee

Sometimes when you lose, you win

Somethings are left unasked and undiscovered
Somethings are not meant to be yearned
What is essential was seen as hollow
Rueful emotions, vague reasons, its all unworthy

Covered dazzled no more
Summer turned into winter
Agonizing has turned into strength
Grief that has given me wisdom

A little girl once I am
A bad dream but not a nightmare, I have been awaken
To wail doesnt equate my fall
My heart was captivated but now I decided to burry deep into this dirt

Long nights of waiting
The days of wondering
Vivid ideas and thoughts of you
Should come to halt

What you cause me, you shall meet
My thorns shall be your thorns
You are unable to hear yourself, you hear what you want to hear
How can one love if you didnt love at all?

I see a new light beyond my darkness
Self content and fulfillment beyond this emptiness
Love shall be the one to seek
And the lost shall be the one to be found

composed by: dee

my holiday

My 3 days holiday have been very fruitful for me, because i finally faced my past. I already felt im very ready to face the people in my past. No more feelings of embarassment, confusion and awkwardness. I did surprise them all with my unexpected presence.

first in my list of things to do is meeting my old bestfriend, she changed a lot physically. She's a bisexual, but now she looks so much girly and very skinny. Skinnier than me, now i feel fatter,lol. I visited her in her work place and waited till she gets out, so i was in the mall wandering around,haha!

Tuesday, i visited my old company. I met my old boss and office staffs. They are very surprised, shocked! They said i changed a lot. Im prettier and became more confident and outward person now. Too much compliment from them, so flattered. Whatever happened in my past, it made me into a new and stronger me. I love myself for who I am and what I have become now. Evening, i met my two friends, Jaymie and Dave and had a splendid dinner with them. Food are so great *thumbs up* We ate in Burgoo.

Wednesday, I met my old good friend Rey. He is like an uncle and a brother to me. We met and watched movie, 'The Departed' take out some pizza and pasta, hate those staff who told us we cant bring the pasta inside the cinema coz it could stain the rag. Bullshit! Thats what i thought, im kinda sarcastic. They didnt even have the sign near the ticket booth. They have the sign in the entrance of the cinema which is very unrecognizable. Ok fine!lol

The movie sucks! It ended bad for me. Non-sense i think, i shouldve chose The Guardian or World Trade Center. But itll start pretty late.

So happy to made contact to my old friends and colleagues. My old company is still inviting me to work for them, i was the top seller of the company in my days. My answer to them 'we'll see'. I dont want to be impolite and proud by answering just no. My ex boss gave me a set of their new product, whitening lotion and soap,hehe!

I feel fulfilled. To have the courage to face the people whom I avoided before because of the fear to be judged.

Thats it! splendid holiday with my friends :)

P.S.

Super thanks to my good lil sis Nemo, it was Monday afternoon, when i woke up late, my caretaker knocked on my door, saying i have a mail. Im wondering who would write to me, it was nemo from singapore. She gave me handmade pair of earrings. I love it very very much, its so beautiful. Thanks and love yah lots Nemo,mwah!

The Wolf's Cry

In the deep silent night, there lies the uncontrolled beast
Strong pounding of her cold heart,dripping from her own warm blood
In this wilderness where there is a need to survive
Cannot equate same as the paradise where everyone hungers for the throne

In her dark eyes, I can imagine such profound loneliness
Raging against all the beloved that departed
Left in anguish, hatred and fearless
Left with nothing to gain

She gives her mournful howling sound at night
With her desire to be heard for once
With what evil deeds has she done?
For someone to imprecate her solitude

In the night where she is confined by Nox
Where the dim stars and moon tries to illuminate her surroundings
By her shivering breath, she tries to whisper your name, calling you
The savage beast that awaits for her triumph, the triumph for your love

But I am a wolf, a solely beast 

composed by: dee

thank you :)

just wanna thank everyone for your greetings! thanks for remembering me :) thanks for the ones who called me on my phone, its nice to hear from you guys.

i know this time is not too good but im still happy knowing i have real friends who truly cares despite of the distance.

for someone who doesnt know how special you are to me, thanks for always making me smile. im happy to know you in my life. i love you as always.