this journal will be a little bit different, more serious, more deep and more meaningful for me. as im typing this journal i feel dizziness and light headedness from the special lozenge the doctor prescribed me this mornng for my severe tonsilitis. this is the side effect 
i went to the hospital this morning, have my tonsils checked up and another antibiotics were prescribed.i am under medication since may 11 and this is the 4th kind of antibiotics that im taking. if this will not subside totally or will have recurrent tonsilitis, she suggested me to have it removed thru operation.
its really alarming...my immune system is not that strong for my body to respond easily to my previous anti-biotics.since i was a child i always do get sick, maybe because im always not feeling well inside, like theres always heavy stone inside of me due to all the emotional pain and stress i get from family, friends and love relationships.life has been rough...
i was very weak inside out, i easily cry when i was a kid when im being picked on, i always get sick too, i did some stupid stuff too like hurting myself, i was weak, lost, and on the stage of finding myself and what i really want in life. i keep searching for long but it took time for me to find out what i really want, what will make me happy and what will satisfy me.
if bad things wont happen...if i didnt get dissapointed over someone or something...if i didnt fail...if i didnt get hurt...i will not learn.for all the pain, the hardships, failures, for all of these...i learn and i thank god for that. I am really a tough cookie, im stronger than i could ever imagine, im a fighter.
to tell you frankly its really my fault why i get so sick now, ive been abusing my health by overworking, sleeping too muc late or no sleep at all, drinking often and tried smoking even if im not a smoker, this results to this illness now but i think for me not getting sick and all, i wouldnt realize how to value my life and health. abusing our health is not the means to forget our problems in life nor to solve it. by drinking, by overworking i thought this could be means for me to forget my problems and be happy in my life, but it made me worst. now im more cautious in my health, im more positive in life and i learn to more appreciate the small things in life. its funny when it takes a person to fail or experience adversities before you learn these things.
my doc said i should practice voice therapy, no shouting and no talking that much at the moment,haha! can i not talk all the time? im very talkative in a good way, rofl!
i know this is just another trial for me and i should stay positive and happy :)
from my birth till now, this is the only stage of my life where i can really say that IM HAPPY! this is the life that i want, this is where i wanna be, a life where i have all the FREEDOM in the world, a life where everything is on my hands and i just need to have good decisions in order for me to be on the right path towards success in heaven and in earth. i love my job very much and i will do my very best to prove myself and not to fail anyone of them, i love my friends who can appreciate me, who cares for me, who is there for me without being asked, who has been great inspirations and great part of my life, i love myself for being a strong person, for being real, for people loving me just for who i am, i love the lord for bringing me into this wonderful world, i love life!
i hope everyone of us will realize that life is beautiful, i hope everyone can learn how to value not only the good things but also adversities which are not there to really break us into pieces but are really there to mold us to be a greater person each day. i hope everyone can learn how to appreciate even a simple thank you, simple acts and words that most of us ignores because we are often focused on negative things rather than being thankful that we still have food to eat and a shelter to live in.
enjoy life everyone, live it to the fullest, we only live it once!
P.S.
thank you for reading my journal, i hope i didnt bore you at all 
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