greetings for everyone!

Merry Xmas and Happy New Year to everyone! Hope you will all have a great holiday.

Sometimes, things happen unexpectedly and unwanted but i will still smile. These are just some days in a year. I have much days to await and days that gone by that I can say have been the best days of my life and hope that ill be able to make the coming days more fruitful and great.

To all those that feels that they wont have a great xmas, cheer up and make the best out of that day

40 QUESTIONS,whoa!

1) Whose bed did you sleep in last night? I was on my own bed, i would have hard time sleeping if i was on other's bed
2) Who were you with? I was by myself
3) Where did you go when you woke up? I went to the bathroom, dont ask why
4) Where are you now? In my apartment, in front of the computer answering this :P
6) Did you kiss or hug anyone today?
Yes, i hugged the mom of my old neighbor and i hugged and kissed my sister
7) Look at your cell phone. Who is the 4th missed call?
Honey, thats what stored in my phone
8) Who sent you the last text?A friend saying goodnight
9) What about the 3rd one down in your inbox?
A text from my zorpian bro, shadow
10) Do you like anyone right now?
umm im really not sure, for real, not really but in zorpia yes *shy smile*
11) Do you have a crush on anyone?
I have the same answer as no 10
12) Have you ever told anyone you love them?
Yes and i was rejected, LMAO!!!
13) And not meant it?a year ago i did but this year,nope.we shouldnt say those 3 words so easily
14) How old were you when you had your first kiss?
uh-oh...*thinks*gosh!ummm i remembered i was like 9
15) Ever been caught doing something you shouldn’t?
not yet,haha!
16) Ever been beaten up?
yeah but right now, if ever there is, ill beat the hell out of him/her
17) When were you last drunk?
errr..last month, wow!its been a while
18) Ever had a one night stand?
I cannot stand for the whole night, that would be painful
19) Ever flashed anyone?
wahahahahaha....flashed what?
20) Thrown up in public?
eeew mmm yeah....embarassing *hides*
21) What about passed out because of alcohol?
once but im glad i made it home before i passed out
22) What’s on your mind right now?
to sleep, its 2:37am now and *yawns*
23) Want to get married?
i need a bf first dont u think ;|
24) To who?
I havent meet him yet
25) How many kids?
only one, dont u know how difficult for a woman to get pregnant and labor
26) What gender?
it really doesnt matter
27) Would you make a good mum/dad?
All i can say i wouldnt be too strict and too conservative mum, we're living in a modern age
28) Would you take a bullet for someone?
No second thoughts yes.Would you prefer to be lost or loose someone?
30) What kind of home would you like?
A home full of love,peace, care from one another
31) What do you want to be when you grow up?
Im already grown up, i just want to live my life to the fullest
32) Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
I can see myself finishing my college, and working abroad, well goodluck to me
33) 10 years? thats tough, probably to where my destiny is
34) Ever kissed anyone on your zorpia list?
yes *giggles*
35) Ever seen any of them naked?
I wish,haha! but no.they would probably think im a perve,lol
36) Who was the last person to leave a comment?
nani
37) Are you good friends with him/her?
she is like a sis to me,she calls me often,shes a very good friend of mine
38) How often do you log into Zorpia?
u mean how long in a day?well in a day, i am here for more than 8hours,lol. What can i say?im an addict
39) Do you get excited by new comments/ pic comments?
im thrilled,*smiles*
40) Do you have any celebs on your friends list?
Music artists yes!

WHERE AM I RIGHT NOW?!

Actually i have no idea, i think im on the verge of discovering myself, searching, seeking, exploring, looking for what????....

I have no idea, fulfillment?love?comfort?care?peace?friends?family? My world turned upside down and i feel im a complete stranger into this world im living in.I feel reborn, and i feel unknown, insignificant, forgotten, lost

My heart is breaking and yet i feel emotionless. I cannot feel and i cannot cry. Have i lost already my senses to feel? or even love?

I will not expect coz i dont want to expect. I long to be love but I dont know how to love, ridiculous but true. Fears were lost because the triumph awaits in the next life, not here on earth.

Why am i longing for something, someone thats already gone. When they were existing, i detested so much. I will never feel completed coz i was never completed. I am drifting in this world full of chaos.

I wish i could skip the special occasions and holidays so i wont feel their absence.Like right now, at this time....

HAPPY BDAY JEFF! < 3

my birthday greetings for jeff :D

love you loads!

my first video,lol

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iWTM3ba3JyM

check check *shy smile* yeah im crazy :P

Finally

i just had my nose pierced today, i will try to upload photos soon so you could see it ;)

P.S.

ok it took me time to post the pix,hehe! my eyebrow piercing is close already, so my new piercing is my nose piercing :P

I Miss You So Much

*shakes my head* i cannot sleep, im so exhausted today because of work. 3:28 am now, i seriously need some sleep and rest. *breaks my pencil* LOL!

yeah the reason why i cannot sleep, i suddenly thought of my dad and felt how much i really miss him. It was year 2003 when I last saw him. Year 2005 when i visited his grave.

I wrote a poem for him, just finished. Its more of a message to him but i thought of not posting here instead. Somethings are not meant to be known by "everyone". I am planning to read it to him when i visit him soon.

Some people think, when a person shows his/her trueself. When he/she knows how to express his/her emotions, he is labeled as "emo". Being yourself doesnt show your weakness, instead having a tough spirit.

Me and my dad werent the best of friends nor me as daddy's girl. He is the one that hurt me the most and he is the one that I love the most. He raised me to be a fighter. If its not for him, I wouldnt be what I am now. He had played a big role in my life.

*covers my face with pillow* Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz....................

If I got all the answers

Do we really know what is happening on the other side?
If i do, then maybe my life would be perfect
No harm nor faults can be done
For I will always come prepared at all times

How will life be if there is no such thing as feelings?
If I do, then maybe my life would be easier than I thought
There would be no any sign of pretentions in my face
No any sign of pain in my eyes, life would be so sweet

Why do every heartbeat count?
Is it something like I read in books of sciences?
You would hear the sound of every beat of my love, of my pain
I am human, I am alive

You would rather ask, why did I indite this for?
Fear to be wounded by my own words
Will my silence provoke you in any way?
The day will come what you stored shall turn into vacousness

So many questions but got no any answer

Hush...

composed by: dee

Sometimes when you lose, you win

Somethings are left unasked and undiscovered
Somethings are not meant to be yearned
What is essential was seen as hollow
Rueful emotions, vague reasons, its all unworthy

Covered dazzled no more
Summer turned into winter
Agonizing has turned into strength
Grief that has given me wisdom

A little girl once I am
A bad dream but not a nightmare, I have been awaken
To wail doesnt equate my fall
My heart was captivated but now I decided to burry deep into this dirt

Long nights of waiting
The days of wondering
Vivid ideas and thoughts of you
Should come to halt

What you cause me, you shall meet
My thorns shall be your thorns
You are unable to hear yourself, you hear what you want to hear
How can one love if you didnt love at all?

I see a new light beyond my darkness
Self content and fulfillment beyond this emptiness
Love shall be the one to seek
And the lost shall be the one to be found

composed by: dee

my holiday

My 3 days holiday have been very fruitful for me, because i finally faced my past. I already felt im very ready to face the people in my past. No more feelings of embarassment, confusion and awkwardness. I did surprise them all with my unexpected presence.

first in my list of things to do is meeting my old bestfriend, she changed a lot physically. She's a bisexual, but now she looks so much girly and very skinny. Skinnier than me, now i feel fatter,lol. I visited her in her work place and waited till she gets out, so i was in the mall wandering around,haha!

Tuesday, i visited my old company. I met my old boss and office staffs. They are very surprised, shocked! They said i changed a lot. Im prettier and became more confident and outward person now. Too much compliment from them, so flattered. Whatever happened in my past, it made me into a new and stronger me. I love myself for who I am and what I have become now. Evening, i met my two friends, Jaymie and Dave and had a splendid dinner with them. Food are so great *thumbs up* We ate in Burgoo.

Wednesday, I met my old good friend Rey. He is like an uncle and a brother to me. We met and watched movie, 'The Departed' take out some pizza and pasta, hate those staff who told us we cant bring the pasta inside the cinema coz it could stain the rag. Bullshit! Thats what i thought, im kinda sarcastic. They didnt even have the sign near the ticket booth. They have the sign in the entrance of the cinema which is very unrecognizable. Ok fine!lol

The movie sucks! It ended bad for me. Non-sense i think, i shouldve chose The Guardian or World Trade Center. But itll start pretty late.

So happy to made contact to my old friends and colleagues. My old company is still inviting me to work for them, i was the top seller of the company in my days. My answer to them 'we'll see'. I dont want to be impolite and proud by answering just no. My ex boss gave me a set of their new product, whitening lotion and soap,hehe!

I feel fulfilled. To have the courage to face the people whom I avoided before because of the fear to be judged.

Thats it! splendid holiday with my friends :)

P.S.

Super thanks to my good lil sis Nemo, it was Monday afternoon, when i woke up late, my caretaker knocked on my door, saying i have a mail. Im wondering who would write to me, it was nemo from singapore. She gave me handmade pair of earrings. I love it very very much, its so beautiful. Thanks and love yah lots Nemo,mwah!

The Wolf's Cry

In the deep silent night, there lies the uncontrolled beast
Strong pounding of her cold heart,dripping from her own warm blood
In this wilderness where there is a need to survive
Cannot equate same as the paradise where everyone hungers for the throne

In her dark eyes, I can imagine such profound loneliness
Raging against all the beloved that departed
Left in anguish, hatred and fearless
Left with nothing to gain

She gives her mournful howling sound at night
With her desire to be heard for once
With what evil deeds has she done?
For someone to imprecate her solitude

In the night where she is confined by Nox
Where the dim stars and moon tries to illuminate her surroundings
By her shivering breath, she tries to whisper your name, calling you
The savage beast that awaits for her triumph, the triumph for your love

But I am a wolf, a solely beast 

composed by: dee

thank you :)

just wanna thank everyone for your greetings! thanks for remembering me :) thanks for the ones who called me on my phone, its nice to hear from you guys.

i know this time is not too good but im still happy knowing i have real friends who truly cares despite of the distance.

for someone who doesnt know how special you are to me, thanks for always making me smile. im happy to know you in my life. i love you as always.

days of nothing

a strong typhoon striked manila(one of the strongest in 11 years) and its really strong that it blew away big trees in highways and road and damaged a lot of electric posts and telephone lines. right now, we dont have electricity for 2 days already and i dont know when it will be restored. im actually in jaymie's place because their electricity is restored already. i cant even call in our area because there is no dial tone. waaaahhhh!!!! i feel like im in ghost's town in our area where so much silence around us. i really cant stay long at my place where im alone and no electricity and nothing to do and talk to :S

hope everything will be restored soon.

Do Not Love Me

Do not love me if you will just leave
I do not want to measure love by months or days
Do not love me if my pain will give you satisfaction and joy
I would rather be cold and hated then

Do not love me for im not someone ideal
I laugh hard and act silly at times
Do not love me because im not perfect
Im a bit less and a bit too much in a way

I will just watch you leave
Will I hear "I want you back to me"?
I will just close the door
Would I still find you standing out there?

I never keep anyone
For the right one, I do not know anymore
I never go after for the wasted love
It just left me into broken pieces

If you would just give me hell, Do not love me

composed by: dee

Loneliness

The world we have is indeed a crowded place
Why is there loneliness, I often ask
An unavoidable feeling that chooses no one?
Or just a normal state with having no one?

Different people, we are surrounded by
We love a few and we hate some
Random facts that we tell to one another
And yet a stranger I have become

Would you feel hated, unawanted or grateful?
For this feeling that makes everyone equal
Not by your own choice but part of humanity
The drowning feeling from the highest cliff you are falling

We live, we strive, we earn
But what is really there to gain?
For things that have its limited time
The astounding beauty, fame and glory
With this have you found the value of your life?

Simple words of "I love you", "Thank you" and "Im sorry"
For the genuine friendship you offer
For eternal love that rarely comes
Exempts me from this loneliness
Even just for an hour, a minute, a second
Because we are part of something

Im a part of you...

composed by: dee

From Afar I Have You As My Angel

From afar, an angel my eyes had laid upon
In the deep darkness of the night, you can see him
With his wings broken and bruised heart
A great warrior he portrays

I try to reach out
In our lost world, for you i kept looking
While you remain to be numb and blind
Thinking that one day, I will grow tired

An angel, a bestfriend
For me is what you are
Quite impossible to hear, for you I trust everything
With this distance that makes everything hard

An imaginary is what I am to you
An only dream that separates me from your nightmares
Different worlds we have yet something can bind us together
Treasuring your letters that keeps you closer to mine

Soon or might be never
Where we long to hug each other tight
Like the sun that shines brightly in the sky
Like a ship that sails in the peaceful deep blue sea
Symbolizing you and me

J an angel you truly are!

The love that is bitter yet so sweet

In an unexpected time and place, I met you
We danced and I felt I don’t like this moment to end
You held my hand
Your kiss that electrified me
Those early mornings you woke me up by your calls and messages

We made love, wished the time wont pass by so fast
Where I have those sound sleep with your arms wrapped around me
The words of I love you we whisper in each other’s ears
Filling my heart with so much happiness

Everything suddenly changed
The love that’s burning like fire is as cold as the ice now
So many nights I shed so much tears
For questions I cant find the answers

Why did I loose you?
Even every promises broken has been forgiven
Where did I go wrong?
Seems like everything I’ve done is still nothing for you
My everyday has turned into waiting days
Why did my love ended like this?

I’m missing you so badly
Even you taught me how to hate, still my heart cries for you
I hope in one of your lonely nights, my pain will matter to you.

= composed by: dee =

Thoughts

I have wasted so many opportunity
have dissapointed those expecting ones
have broken so many hearts, scared to be too close
Thats why I end up breaking mine

All my life i keep searchin'
keep askin' and dreamin', of how it is like to live a life thats easy and luxurious
Until I realized, it didnt make me feel satisfied

Can you give me back my old memories?
The childhood past, reminiscing the laughter of an innocent child
The warmth of my loved ones' hug that made me smile and cry

Where are you now?
Why have you left so suddenly?
The life that is once colorful has turned black and blue
Please do take care of them, maybe soon we will meet again

Im rebel
From future i have ran away, with so many possibilities
I broke the rules
I have taken many risks and dangers
Just to reach what my heart truly desires
Is unknown

= composed by: dee =

one of the happiest moment in my life is today!

why do we mankind need to commit a mistake before we realize that theres something to be done, a need for a change in order to make things right. In the first place, how would we know we have won in a battle without facing our opponents? Will you regret if you havent realize its wrong? Its now or never, do we have to wait for the time to end? until we realize its too late. it doesnt require time, it requires readiness to accept, forgive and move on in life. any day and any time it can be a day of a new beginning. the question is are you ready?

= i feel so free today, free from everything =

HAPPY 1ST YEAR ANNIVERSARY TO ME IN Z TEAM

August 14 is a special day for me, its my 1st year anniversary in being a part of Zorpia Team. YAY!!! i just dont like boasting and prefer to keep a low profile. but i made this journal to express my joy and gratitude.

Im really happy being able to help to users and site to the best of my ability. To friends that i havent chatted lately, im sorry but it doesnt mean i have forgotten you ;)

im suppose to celebrate today with friends because this is a very important day for me. i love my job what im doing and im happy about it. its a blessing to me! :) friends cannot make it, rainy season over here but its ok,i know there will be perfect time for us to go out all together and celebrate.

yeah btw as what im saying, its been raining here everyday. makes me a little sick, got slight fever recently, body pains, and cloggy nose but im taking good care of myself now.

also i think the reason is because of frustrations i experience recently due to my bf who happens to be a complete asshole,haha! yeah hear me whining now, but yeah life must move on, if there is something i have to give up, i know it means i have to pick up something greater. i will loose something but i know it will be the best for me. i may not feel completely complete now but at least i have my wonderful friends, my wonderful job and my wonderful Z team whom i truly love and treasure.

thanks for all the trials, pains, stress, frustrations and hardships, you just made me a new, wiser, stronger woman that i couldnt imagine.

P.S.

i love this cake, its my favorite *drools*

mix emotions

yesterday and today was chaotic, different people has their own day! sheesh! just wanna scream it at the top of my voice and just get away from reality...i also felt sad for the bad things thats happening to my friends... it cant be help, there will always be days like this. anyways its weekend and i need to get out and be away from stress.

i went out today with my friends sean and jaymie. im really expecting lexy but she cant make it,shes very sick.babe wish you get well soon, miss u munchies. im a person who will always keep her words whatever it takes. so all raining, traffic, bad mood this afternoon and difficult time to find taxi but we are here together :D

we spent watching some DVDs and just kulitan sessions, :D whats the important thing for me is the bonding, the moments

im also touched, my bestfriend jaymie gave me a necklace

thank you very much sissy. i really appreciate everything.

some people can whine all he want but at the end of the day.its only me and nothing else who knows the true me, i dont need to prove myself to some stranger who doesnt know any shit from me so bless him!i aint taking any shit from anyone. i know myself best and i dont need anyone's recognition to feel good about myself. but one thing ill make sure, i aint gonna keep quiet about it. some people are only good at talking bullshits. do something worthwhile than starting drama online, go find a drama queen instead.

 

read if u can understand

im open for friendship only if:

* you make sense

* you are genuine

* you can put up with my busyness

* you know how to have good conversation

do not ask for my msn, my cell number coz i wont give it if we really dont talk, so stop trying

do not ask if i do camsex, you are just wasting time and stop wasting mine

stop with your pick up lines coz IT SUCKS!

just be yourself, no need to impress me

if i dont reply, it only means two things:

- im busy, will get back to you later

- sorry im not interested

its one of those days~

its one of my grumpy days :s

there are things on earth that you want so badly but you cant have...so what now?move on?....as if!yeah told myself hundred times but im still here,blinded...you have someone but you still feel alone and incomplete.

sometimes i just to be so far far away and at the same time theres the feeling of wanting and needing someone. im able to leave what i have to leave, but this one is tough.felt like my feet is glued to this ground that is almost swallowing me whole.

--<3--

what does my birthdate mean?

***Your Birthdate: October 30***

You have the type of personality that people either love or hate.
You're opinionated, dramatic, intense, and very outspoken.
And some people can't get enough of you - they're totally addicted.
Others, well, they wish you were a little more reserved.

Your strength: Your flair

Your weakness: If you think it, you say it

Your power color: Scarlet red

Your power symbol: Inverted triangle

Your power month: March

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?
http://www.blogthings.com/whatdoesyourbirthdatemeanquiz/

my fortune message for the day

"take heart. if opportunity has shut one door, resolve can open thrice a hundred more."

i want to know your insight about this quote, i feel confused :S

Dealing With Changes

whats new with me?hmmm...such busy weeks lately, so many things to accomplish..i had my operation finished and it cost me a lot, resulting me to find and move to a cheaper apartment. yeah i moved out last tuesday. dad didnt come but im thankful to have my good friend kuya rey and jaymie around, who are always there for me in important occasions that i really need someone. of course i have photos, how can i forget that but get used to me, im really goofy,lol

ok so thats me leaving my old place *sobs sobs* how i love that place but i need to go.....

 so this is the new place, same size as my old place but this is a lot cheaper, thats one of the good things.

jaymie helped me in cleaning and arranging my things *hugs to my sissy* love yah!

after that, we went out to have dinner together and she tour me around,lol

 this is us, outside subway, its our first time there and yeah.. the food is ok but i like her order than mine,haha!

when they left, i felt sad...i know this is a big change for me.i dont know anyone here, i feel im a complete stranger and im having small problems in my place,ugh! like my cell has weak signal in my apartment *pulls hair*

i hope i will learn to love it here, hope ill get adjusted to this place right away. im missing everything, i miss my old place that once had been a home to me :(

shopping and eating sunday session with my 2 sissy

ok today i met my sissys, we went to look for a studio type apartment, i liked it right away. so the only problem is moving my things from my place now to my new apartment soon.

after that we went to SM north to just wander and of course eat! btw when we were in the bus, i felt we were in the roller coaster,weird! yum yum yum!!! wendys *grins*

we also harassed mr. KFC, btw lexy got her very own superman tumbler, her obsession,lol  hello superman are you there? *laughs hard* what a funny pix!LMAO!!!!

we also had shopping session,weeeee!!!!who cant say no to shopping? :P

 i love this pix,hehe! girls will be girls :D  hmm sexy lingerie, i wonder if ill make someone's eyeballs drop when i wear this one *giggles*

im missing my sissys now, love you guys, see yah again next week,mwah!

updates

i know some of you are worrying for me. but im ok, i was admitted in the hospital on monday and went out wednesday afternoon. my operation took a long time, i was brought in OR 7am and went out past 12noon already. doc said he had a difficulty on my right tonsils but anyways its over already and i just have to focus on regaining my strength and recovering. i still have to take medicines and go for check ups next week. more sleep,avoid stress.hehe!

im on soft food diet now,i cant eat hot foods so cold soups,congees,oatmeal,noodles.have to eat ice cream too,hehe!poor tummy, im drooling for a lot of foods. its still painful when swallowing,i cant talk loudly. thats why the other day i have to write down on paper what i have to buy,lol!

i wish to be fully healthy soon, i dont want to drink medicines anymore,i dont want to be weak anymore,i miss my old lively happy self *grins*

thanks to jaymie for staying with me in the hospital for 3days,thanks for chrissy who visited me and to friends who texted me,dont worry too much *winks*

p.s.

btw me and jaymie has some crazy photos in the hospital, will upload soon,yay!

thank you shadow! now how to achieve dee noodles

aww this is made by my bro shadow and it really made me smile, i really appreciate the effort of making me smile *hugs tightly* im so happy to have a big bro like you. i will smile as long as you will smile too :P

now speaking of noodles.... how to achieve dee's noodles*rubs hands*

first boil it *blok blok blok* hahahahaha

then drain it *shhhheeeeeessshhhh*

and finally mix it *drools* now its time to eat *munches*

to my friends

hey guys!its been a while,sorry for not posting back to your guestbooks, ok so whats happening to me lately? im getting enough rest these days and long hours of sleep. ive been ill for more than a month but i just hide it with my smile :)

but it got worst, so i have to undergo operation soon, i have to have my tonsils remove because i have difficulty in eating,breathing and talking. ive been to many doctors to ask for different opinions, i want to save my tonsils but medicines wont help. it really needs to be remove because it has been problematic for me. all doctors said, my case is already surgical. i took 5kinds of antibiotics already for a period of more than a month. its really frustrating for me! i follow everything and bought all the medicines prescribed but i guess im under through a lot of stress. stresses coming from different aspects. as of now thats the last thing i wanna feel, to feel stressed. doctor suggested me sleep apnea, sleeping in a sitting position, tried that for 2days but it results me to having back pain and heavy lungs

only soft foods for now, a lot of foods i cannot eat.grrrr.......

by monday ill have my medical tests, to see if my body is suit for the operation then by next week i will know when can i have my operation.

ive never been hospitalized all my life but i get sick easily, doh!

now this is the first time ill be hospitalized and ill undergo surgery, oh my! i need strength....

thank you thank you for all the friends who showed their care and concern for me, who helped me, who called and texted me, who thought of me, from the bottom of my heart, thank you! i felt i was alone, but i still got a family, i got my zorpian friends, i love you guys!

i was anxious, sick and worried but you guys gave me comfort, thank you for being my angel *hugs*

...

i hope i didnt dissapoint anyone, all i wanted is to make things right, to accomplish everything and to do my best. but guess what, im sick again and have to go to hospital tomorrow. im so scared. i dont know why this is happening to me, am i really a bad person? dont know why but sorry if you wont hear from me for quite sometime, im in a tough state at the moment, :(

new photos with my sissys :P

this was taken in starbucks malate last night, we stayed there till 4am, damn my head is spinning right now,im so dizzy, no sleep,maybe it was the coffee jelly,huhuhu!!! i want more sleep *jumps to bed*

these are so funny, im crazy, no i mean we are crazy, damn this ball is heavy. i think i broke my back,lol

ooh sweet poses, we watched the omen in sm north, then when we were in the restroom after the movie, the lights suddenly turned off *rushes to the door and screams* haha!

*burps* now its all empty, ooh i love to have those again please *grins*

meow! *chuckles and sticks out tongue*

WORDS

some people likes to make promises

some people like to make compromises

some people likes to say just anything they want

words are just words but it could leave you scars

it could cut your flesh and break you into pieces

be careful on the words you use

the most important for me is TRUST

once you have broken your words, trust is broken too

dont dissapoint me by your words

dont dare

coz if you mean to just dissapoint the person

only one piece of advice

SHUT THE FUCK UP!

a little something about me - a little serious,lol

this journal will be a little bit different, more serious, more deep and more meaningful for me. as im typing this journal i feel dizziness and light headedness from the special lozenge the doctor prescribed me this mornng for my severe tonsilitis. this is the side effect

i went to the hospital this morning, have my tonsils checked up and another antibiotics were prescribed.i am under medication since may 11 and this is the 4th kind of antibiotics that im taking. if this will not subside totally or will have recurrent tonsilitis, she suggested me to have it removed thru operation.

its really alarming...my immune system is not that strong for my body to respond easily to my previous anti-biotics.since i was a child i always do get sick, maybe because im always not feeling well inside, like theres always heavy stone inside of me due to all the emotional pain and stress i get from family, friends and love relationships.life has been rough...

i was very weak inside out, i easily cry when i was a kid when im being picked on, i always get sick too, i did some stupid stuff too like hurting myself, i was weak, lost, and on the stage of finding myself and what i really want in life. i keep searching for long but it took time for me to find out what i really want, what will make me happy and what will satisfy me.

if bad things wont happen...if i didnt get dissapointed over someone or something...if i didnt fail...if i didnt get hurt...i will not learn.for all the pain, the hardships, failures, for all of these...i learn and i thank god for that. I am really a tough cookie, im stronger than i could ever imagine, im a fighter.

to tell you frankly its really my fault why i get so sick now, ive been abusing my health by overworking, sleeping too muc late or no sleep at all, drinking often and tried smoking even if im not a smoker, this results to this illness now but i think for me not getting sick and all, i wouldnt realize how to value my life and health. abusing our health is not the means to forget our problems in life nor to solve it. by drinking, by overworking i thought this could be means for me to forget my problems and be happy in my life, but it made me worst. now im more cautious in my health, im more positive in life and i learn to more appreciate the small things in life. its funny when it takes a person to fail or experience adversities before you learn these things.

my doc said i should practice voice therapy, no shouting and no talking that much at the moment,haha! can i not talk all the time? im very talkative in a good way, rofl!

i know this is just another trial for me and i should stay positive and happy :)

from my birth till now, this is the only stage of my life where i can really say that IM HAPPY! this is the life that i want, this is where i wanna be, a life where i have all the FREEDOM in the world, a life where everything is on my hands and i just need to have good decisions in order for me to be on the right path towards success in heaven and in earth. i love my job very much and i will do my very best to prove myself and not to fail anyone of them, i love my friends who can appreciate me, who cares for me, who is there for me without being asked, who has been great inspirations and great part of my life, i love myself for being a strong person, for being real, for people loving me just for who i am, i love the lord for bringing me into this wonderful world, i love life!

i hope everyone of us will realize that life is beautiful, i hope everyone can learn how to value not only the good things but also adversities which are not there to really break us into pieces but are really there to mold us to be a greater person each day. i hope everyone can learn how to appreciate even a simple thank you, simple acts and words that most of us ignores because we are often focused on negative things rather than being thankful that we still have food to eat and a shelter to live in.

enjoy life everyone, live it to the fullest, we only live it once!

P.S.

thank you for reading my journal, i hope i didnt bore you at all

hair coloring session

this is the time where joshua, the hair attendant is coloring my hair, i chosed a deep red color, im the last customer coz i went there at night after working. i also had my hair cut, just a trim.

tada tada...

this is the outcome, frankly speaking i really dont know if i achieve the red color, i think not that much since last night im the last customer, they are nearly closing so the hair color was on my hair for about 20mins before washing,aahh.... whatever,i still like my new hair color. i took this photo this morning *yawns*you see all stinky and sleepy here,haha! *rushes into the shower* ooh i know drying my hair will stain the towel,hehe!

flores de mayo

im supposed to put up these photos last sunday but oh well i have no time,been very busy. there's a parade that passed by my place last sunday afternoon, with drums beating and girls wearing their gown, hehe! this is called flores de mayo, we have it every may.

these are the girls wearing gown, gosh it looks so gorgeous on them but it also looks itchy and hot!hehe! when i was a little girl, i was asked to join in flores de mayo but im very shy and its not really my interest

you see i love taking photographs of just anything and make a meaning out of it. i only take these photos using my nokia 6630, i want to buy digicam soon so i can take good shots

do you eat this?

this is what im eating yesterday, mussel, i say i love any kind of seafood.its yummy especially when you are drinking beer with it,damn speaking of beer, i miss drinking. because im sick now, i cant drink, no sweets, no colds, no drinking, no staying up late, no social life! oh my! what is this a punishment?! im grounded for everything but oh well...

thanks to all the peeps who showed their concern, for being caring and for checking on me every now and then.mwah! *munches a mussel*

P.S.

i want to have hair color soon, i want to have red hair but i dont know if it will suit me,maybe ill just go for light brown.ill make sure to post photo :P

the times when you needed someone, they are gone

Im just someone who's needing your comfort

Im just someone who's needing your love

Im just someone who's needing your understanding

Im just someone who's needing your acceptance

Im just someone who's needing YOU

The first book that i bought :D

this is the first book that i bought that really interests me. james recommended it to me, thanks to you!

i went to different bookstore yesterday and im really searching for a good book that will really interest me and not make me feel sleepy.i almost gave up in searching yesterday coz i feel i really cant find anything that will interest me and also feeling kinda weak and dizzy too from walking here and there inside the mall. i can say that im not really fond of reading books, in one word, im LAZY to read. but then i also feel outdated coz i havent bought any books for me or havent finished reading anything. i feel that in order to get me hook into reading is to buy something that will interest me, so Men are From Mars, Women Are From Venus is the first book that interests me, i was reading some of the pages in this book before buying this and yeah, kinda funny knowing some things that im not really aware of! first night of reading, 12pages back to back,haha!

i have to buy swimsuit yesterday because i have to submit a swimsuit photo to the modelling company that contacted me but yeah i chose to buy book first.

now i can say that i can do something else besides computer, movies, shopping, eating, clubbing..

reading is a good hobby :D

i see you in my dreams

if there is something i want now, that would be a sleep, sleep for long hours and having good dreams,nyakkakakakakaka.......ill be back on track soon, and this time ill make it right!

and this is how dee looks like when she just woke up, messed up hair, even how messy it is, i like how it looks like

still rainy and windy here but im luvin it, i dont need to turn on my fan at night and in am, i like the chill. i like hugging my pillows so tight, i like sipping my tea in this kind of weather *yawns* cant wait to lie my back on my bed, cant wait to close my eyes, cant wait to see you in my dreams....

guess who?it might be YOU!

i love you guys!

i love you guys!mwah mwah mwah!hey ate jaymie who are you looking at?lol

i cant help to laugh when i see this photo *falls from the chair laughing* this is so hilarious!ssshhhhh....keep it a secret!:P

ok now seriously speaking, thank you lexy for coming over even there's a typhoon, you are one super chick, a lakwatsera chick take note!i really appreciate your effort,for bringing me pears and calamansi,mwah!

thank you jaymie for not keeping us waiting for that long,haha!coz we just didnt notice the time since we are doing some rush shopping,lol...thank you for being who you really are,i admire you so much!you are my laughing gas,i go gaga,i go loca,i go crazy when im with you two,most especially you who i think every word that comes out to your mouth is super funny! *measures your fingers*oops jaymie you have a long finger which means?hhahahahaha!!!!

im still sick but meeting you guys makes me feel better,u are my medicine wherein i forgot all my worries,stress and sickness.thank you for being a part of my life now*blushes*ill make sure to take good care of myself more now and next time when im really really well, we will hit the dance floor but ill just drink in moderate amount.

ate arlene you see we took many crazy photos, hope you enjoy them, check out for more photos up there which i stole from jaymie,lalalalala

i love you guys!

P.S.

we watch poseidon and 1 of the main actor, Josh Lucas is pretty HOT *giggles*

why are there so many bad things happening lately?

i dont want to hide how i really feel now,im very very sad im sick again,just now,i got fever....

why im always getting sick?i just got sick two weeks ago and i went to hospital and medicines are quite expensive. im such a weakling! i know my daily routine is not healthy. i always stay up late, i drink too much recently, i told you i went clubbing last sunday and i drank beer and two shots of tequila which im not used to. i only drink beer but not hard liquor, i went home 7am and just had 3hours of sleep, i have to start my day because i got loads of work to do. i dont have enough sleep anymore, im in a depress state and i just work work work in order for me not to feel down. i keep myself occupied,mentally and physically thats why i always make sure im doing something and everything is done before i go to bed. im not eating healthy too, i didnt go out for a day to buy food.i just ate biscuits and bread and noodles. i try to rest my body and mind but my body automatically wakes up early. when i say im depress, i dont mean i just sit and sulk in a corner, im really very busy actually like i always do but the way i feel inside is different like im sinking...im thinking maybe thats why my immune system is not strong because im feeling like this. can you force your inner self to be happy even you are not? but inspite of all,i have to take care of myself, what i got is myself....im pissed because of getting sick it will affect my work and i dont want that to happen. i dont want to neglect it even a little,damn!i need to be well!

today i think i got over fatigue, i cleaned my place,did some laundry,went grocery carrying heavy plastic bags, walk here and there

my heart is bruised....

sorry for sounding pathetic but i need to release it,maybe it will lessen the heavy load im feeling now...